Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
