I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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