I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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