So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
