Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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