and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
