Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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