I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
