Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize