just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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