Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
