turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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