I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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