Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
