I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
