On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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