Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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