The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize