drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
