im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
