I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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