Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
