The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize