Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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