You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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