I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
