girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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