I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
