If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
