i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
