Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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