at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
