SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
