I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
