If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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