I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
