I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Can I color on your dick again?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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