And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
