So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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