hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
