She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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