The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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