the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
