i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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