hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
