Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
