That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
