Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
