I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Randomize
