We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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