In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
