she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
