Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize