i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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