I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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