Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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