it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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