420 ftw
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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