Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
