I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
