Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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