sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
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Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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