I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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