I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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