that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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