Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
