haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
