I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
