So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
