i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
